Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
