careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
