I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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