then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
