She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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