Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
