i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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