The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I did not marry a roomba.
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