he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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