I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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