You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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