it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
