I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
