true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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