Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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