He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
