I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
operation harelip BJ is a go
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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