i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
