I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
