we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
