Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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