We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
