The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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