its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
