i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think i have two assholes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
