If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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