I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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