UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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