you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
