Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
