She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
