I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
