I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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