Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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