hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
