I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
