You're my little dorito
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
