Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
