You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
