Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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