the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize