I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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