Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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