they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize