Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
