Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize