Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
