drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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