Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
