he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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