it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
