My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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