My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
