I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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