I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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