Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
