The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
