I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
