Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
A+ Viking dick
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
