Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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