i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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