Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
