Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
