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I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
