I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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