At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
