Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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