There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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